Love and learn

In my years of going to church I have sat through many classes and Sunday sermons that expressed scripture in theory but with little, practical application. Because of that I tend to lean more toward the practical side of things, relying on what I’ve been taught growing up to support what I want to apply to living the Christian life. The problem is not everyone has had the teaching background (good or bad) that I’ve had. What those who sit through my classes or small group meetings probably hear from me… more often than I want to admit… is lots of how-to advice and less scripture. I think I/we need more balance in this area both scripture and application. For example I ran across this marriage tip posted by Debbie Simler-Goff for better communication in relationships.

Nonverbal signals carry five times the impact of spoken words. So understanding your mate's body language can go a long way to avoiding arguments and strengthening your relationship. Here are six strategies for communicating without words.
1. Watch your mate's shoulders. Hunched shoulders may indicate defeat, or that she's feeling overwhelmed. Squared shoulders convey confidence and could mean he's ready for battle. Observing the difference can defuse potential conflict before it strikes.
2. Sit and tilt your head when asking your mate to share what's upsetting him. Sitting shows you're open and ready to listen, and inclining your head indicates sincere interest.
3. While making dinner, puttering around the house, or when on a date, lean your body toward your spouse. Leaning conveys, I want to be closer to you.
4. Pupils dilate when you experience attraction, so gaze deeply into your mate's eyes to signal your love.
5. If you're arguing, hand over a glass of water. Gestures and emotions are directly linked. If your wife is defensive, her arms will likely be crossed. Getting her to uncross them (to accept a cold drink) will help dissipate tension.
6. Smile. Science has proven that smiling causes others to react more positively to you. Just smiling at your mate can generate good feelings for you both.

It is good to have tips and suggestions like those mentioned above when looking for practical advice on what to do. But we cannot get the cart before the horse in any relationship. There must first be love and concern for the other person. Without love all the practical advice in the world is only at best, manipulation (if I do this they will do that). Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13 that all the efforts, gestures and words we express end up ringing hollow and manipulative without love.
Good communication including reading the others body language whether in marriage or in any relationship begins with concern and care for the other person(s). That is when practical advice will make a difference. I like how Romans 12:9-10 reads in The New Living Translation.

Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

Now, which listening technique will you try next? I like number 5.

Roger, over and out!