Parenting has gone through many changes over the last several generations. An old adage concerning children and adults was “children should be seen and not heard.” While I know many great parents doing a wonderful job in raising their kids today our culture has slowly shifted from parent-centered to child-centered families.
My parents, like those of today did not want me just sitting in front of the TV all day but they did not go out of their way to provide an alternative. They just shooed me out of the house and told me to be back in time for dinner. Now, parents fill up their day with a schedule of programmed organized activities and all we end up doing is reducing or even eliminating the time they have to be alone with other children their age to figure the world out on their own.
Parents are quick to rush to the defense of their child and even side with them over other kids and even those we entrust them to during the day such as teachers, principles, bus drivers, daycare providers, other parents, etc. When I was a child and got in trouble at school, church or in the neighborhood I was punished and not excused by my parents. They even encouraged other adults in authority to discipline me when I did or did not do what I was expected to do and then come and tell them so that they too could disciple me.
I ran across an article on parenting the other day and the writer made some very good points about how parenting has changed. See if you agree or disagree with this quote:
WHAT’S FASCINATING IS THAT WHILE many of us over-parent when it comes to promoting achievement, we under-parent when it comes to things parents prior to us were fanatical about for centuries: manners, courtesy, respect, responsibility. It’s not that we’re pro-brat, but that we’re so uncomfortable being figures of authority that we can’t demand those things of our kids.
Last fall, my colleague Amy Donohue Korman wrote a piece, “The Death of the Chore,” that chronicled how so few of today’s kids are expected to help around the house. It was a wonderful essay, and it was only one example of our instinct to indulge kids, to make them see us not as “The Man” but “da man!” Five-¬figure Sweet 16 parties and six-figure bar mitzvahs, kids with platinum cards and more borrowing power than many major American cities, frequent massages (the kind of pampering once reserved for women in Beverly Hills), boob jobs for graduation, Senior Weeks spent not in Wildwood but in the ¬Caribbean or Europe … And don’t even think about ¬chiding someone else’s child for being rude or irresponsible; today’s parents always side with their offspring.
The result of all this is a group of kids with a depressingly skewed sense of values and a shocking sense of entitlement.
God has given parents an important job to do. If we do it right the next generation will be blessed but if we don’t take it seriously we may be cursing them instead.
Proverbs 22:6 (ASV) Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it.
If you would like to read more of what he had to say go to the website below.
http://www.phillymag.com/articles/bad_parents/
Roger, over and out.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Parenting
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
(I do agree that children should be watched and not be allowed to rule over their parents and or other children (with their childish demands) as they voice their wants and desires trying to manipulate to gain what is not theirs (often at the cost of others needs). Some children are not so self centered and are very empathetic to the needs of others, they are most willing to “go the extra mile” those are the children that will share or help without expecting or demanding anything in return without thinking “what’s in it for me?” Those children are like precious gems or beautiful delicate flowers in the garden of life and will need to be lifted up from time to time. While some children have been, “spoiled” some have been “abused” (two extremes with damaging results).
There is a better way to raise up the future leaders: Lead by example and watch your children, know your children and don’t allow your children to spent to much time with any one or group you don’t know or don’t approve of (this is most important when the child is young and impressionable).
Activities do sometimes take time away from family time. Focus on your children know your children. Structured activities can help develop skills etc. but should not at the cost of autonomy which often develops quite naturally as children play together on their own with parents watching from a distance. Parents should never use children as scape goat or a place to project their own quilt and shame, nip that in the bud. Children don’t need it and should not have to carry adult baggage. They will be adults soon enough.
I am thanking God, as I count my blessing.
Most parents (and children spend more waking time away from each other). While parents must work to earn a living for thier family and pay for the education. Most children are being taught how to pass test and how they must be tolerant of anything and everything. Some of the things our children are being taught would not have been tolerated in my parents day! Self centeredness is a pathway to desolation and that is the road our children will be lead down if we don’t take control away from the lossy goosey liberals and put our faith in God’s word. Appoint Good leaders to the boards. Just take a look at the NEW books?
It has been my experience that young children want to help and should be encouraged to do so. They will if empowered; help were ever they can and those patterns will be established early. Chores are a good way to tech structure and no one is to young or to old to contribute to the cause. ‘Bissy work’ (non-productive work) stifles growth but being allowed to manage ones own time and resources is liberating and helps a person to grow and develop new talents and helps keeps a person happy and adaptable. I know there are those who are more comfortable with a structured environment and they should not be forced out side of their comfort zone but allowed to venture out as they are able and allowed to return as they need to.
Indulging is something every one does but don’t allow it to lull you into a permanent self absorbed state that has it’s end; and it is not pretty. A massage can help in many ways it is a wonderful gift, it doesn’t have to cost a penny. My aunt used to sit behind me as I drove the car on long trips and her massages helped me very much. Not much has changed in 2000 years, if you read Plato you will see they had the same problems in his day and there was much debate written about it. The self sacrificing love written of in the bible is the solution to our society’s ill’s. . . remove it and we will all perish! (don't use His name in vain, don't use it for selfish gain)
During worship the other morning we heard from a man who either headed up the children's ministry or was heavily involved in the children's ministry out at Saddleback Church for many years. He said, "The Church is only a generation away from extinction". I found that to be a powerful reminder that as parents we bear the responsibility for teaching our children about Christ and how they should treat others. Society certainly isn't going to.
Post a Comment