Love and learn

In my years of going to church I have sat through many classes and Sunday sermons that expressed scripture in theory but with little, practical application. Because of that I tend to lean more toward the practical side of things, relying on what I’ve been taught growing up to support what I want to apply to living the Christian life. The problem is not everyone has had the teaching background (good or bad) that I’ve had. What those who sit through my classes or small group meetings probably hear from me… more often than I want to admit… is lots of how-to advice and less scripture. I think I/we need more balance in this area both scripture and application. For example I ran across this marriage tip posted by Debbie Simler-Goff for better communication in relationships.

Nonverbal signals carry five times the impact of spoken words. So understanding your mate's body language can go a long way to avoiding arguments and strengthening your relationship. Here are six strategies for communicating without words.
1. Watch your mate's shoulders. Hunched shoulders may indicate defeat, or that she's feeling overwhelmed. Squared shoulders convey confidence and could mean he's ready for battle. Observing the difference can defuse potential conflict before it strikes.
2. Sit and tilt your head when asking your mate to share what's upsetting him. Sitting shows you're open and ready to listen, and inclining your head indicates sincere interest.
3. While making dinner, puttering around the house, or when on a date, lean your body toward your spouse. Leaning conveys, I want to be closer to you.
4. Pupils dilate when you experience attraction, so gaze deeply into your mate's eyes to signal your love.
5. If you're arguing, hand over a glass of water. Gestures and emotions are directly linked. If your wife is defensive, her arms will likely be crossed. Getting her to uncross them (to accept a cold drink) will help dissipate tension.
6. Smile. Science has proven that smiling causes others to react more positively to you. Just smiling at your mate can generate good feelings for you both.

It is good to have tips and suggestions like those mentioned above when looking for practical advice on what to do. But we cannot get the cart before the horse in any relationship. There must first be love and concern for the other person. Without love all the practical advice in the world is only at best, manipulation (if I do this they will do that). Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13 that all the efforts, gestures and words we express end up ringing hollow and manipulative without love.
Good communication including reading the others body language whether in marriage or in any relationship begins with concern and care for the other person(s). That is when practical advice will make a difference. I like how Romans 12:9-10 reads in The New Living Translation.

Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

Now, which listening technique will you try next? I like number 5.

Roger, over and out!

Jason's Return

It has been an interesting five months since our son, Jason left his home and family to go to Iraq. In some ways it was a blessing for Keri and me as well as Brittany's mom because we got to see a lot of Brittany and Ethan while Jason was deployed. But the time was bittersweet in that he was sent away to war.
While the communication lines were open for us to email him we mostly waited for his phone calls...which BTW he was able to make frequently. Hearing his voice was so much better than reading an email.
This past Sunday he made it safely back to American soil in Baltimore. Keri and I spent about $80 in gas traveling Sunday afternoon for four hours through heavy DC traffic and then turned around Monday morning and did it all over again just so we could see him for a few brief hours. And believe me it was more than worth it because seeing the look on Keri's face when she saw him at the airport was priceless.
Maybe that is a shadowy picture of what it will be like when Jesus returns. As good as it is to have his written word and as wonderful as it is to have the Holy Spirit to comfort us how far greater it will be when he comes again...and He will come back again!!!

John 14:1-3 (NIV) "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God ; trust also in me. 2 In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

I'm back!!!

Well, it has been a while since I last published to this blog. I am sorry for all of you who have been enslaved by my blog and have been checking it daily since the last entry only to find it has not been updated. Thank you for your patience and guess what, it has been updated.
This past weekend was our annual Marriage Retreat held at the Glen Allen church of Christ just outside of Richmond, VA. Eight couples from church attended and enjoyed spending the time away from home focusing on their marriage.
Terry Lafferty, my good friend from Western PA came down for the weekend and did a terrific job facilitating our discussion time. He used material from the book GETTING IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME by Barry and Emily J. McCarthy to focus our attention on some key components of a successful marriage. What Terry was able to add to the message of the book was a spiritual approach and some personal examples from his marriage.
Terry mentioned that respect, trust and intimacy are core to any marriage (chapter 2) but that a marriage lacking God could not be as successful as one that included God.

Questions begging for response:
1. What do you believe constitutes a successful marriage?
2. Do you believe that have a successful marriage you must be one with God? Why or why not?
3. What do you do to make your marriage a success?