Five Habits to Strengthen Your Marriage

Valentine’s Day is next week and I thought I would mention 5 habits that we all need to improve to strengthen our marriages. Everyone has heard that communication is important in any relationship, but just how do we do it? These five simple but crucial skills by Virginia Satir can make bad relationships good and good relationships even better. As with any habit though, these five tips need to be done consistently over a set period of time, whether they feel fake at the moment or not. Most of the time when we begin something new or different it does not come naturally and seem forced but the habit is worth it.
• Appreciations: Share five things you appreciate about each other. These can range from the simple "I like your smile" to the sublime "I like it that you were able to kiss and make up after I forgot to pick you up last night." Appreciations build up credit in the love bank. It can be a nice surprise to realize just how much our partners notice and appreciate.
• Wishes, Hopes, and Dreams: Describe three things you hope for in the long run ("I hope to complete a marathon by the time I'm 40") and in the short run ("This week-end I'd like to spend a half-hour alone with my dad when he visits.") A partner who understands your dreams is able to help them happen. Remember that hopes change as we go along and it's important to keep each other current.
• New Information: We often forget to update our partner about a change in plans or circumstances. We tell people at work or a family member and think we've told our spouse. Make the daily updates a ritual. Information like "The dentist said Bobby won't need braces after all" or "I'll have to be in San Francisco an extra day" is crucial to staying in-synch and feeling connected.
• Puzzles: Clear-up big or little mysteries before they become suspicions, jealousy, false assumptions, or resentments. Most "puzzles" have simple explanations. "You promised you'd water the tomatoes before you left this morning. What happened?" "The water was turned off. Was it back on when you got up?" You have to ask.
• Complaints with Request for Change: Get in the habit of saying what you want rather than what you don't want. Describe a specific behavior that bothers you and explain how you'd like it done. Instead of "I get furious when you call and don't leave a message," say, "Honey, when you call and get the machine, please don't say 'It's me' and hang up. Say why you're calling, and when you'll call back, or be home, or whatever it was you were calling to tell me." If you forget to say why you were calling. Call back. Even if it's long distance. It's an inexpensive investment in your marriage. Cheaper than a dozen roses.

Great relationships occur in the daily gift of sacrifice and in the way the person receiving the gift needs it given. Matthew 7:12 says… “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you,…”

DO you have any other advice for married or soon to be married couples? We can all use some help from others!

Roger, over and out!